How to support a loved one with mental illness

What does it mean to support someone with mental health problems?

Supporting a loved one with mental illness means being there without judging them, listening, helping them get professional care and respecting their decisions. You don’t have to be their therapist or have all the answers. Your role is to be present and make it easier for them to get the help they need.

Signs someone may need help

Everyone is different, but these changes can mean your loved one is going through more than a bad day:

• They withdraw from family or friends.
• They sleep much more or much less than before.
• They lose interest in things they used to enjoy.
• They’re irritable, sad or worried most of the time.
• They struggle to keep up with work or daily tasks.
• They talk about feeling hopeless or like a burden.

If they mention hurting themselves or not wanting to live, don’t wait: call or text 988, or call 911 if they’re in immediate danger.

How to talk to your loved one

Choose a good moment

Find a quiet place and a time without rushing, when neither of you is tired or angry. A private conversation helps them feel safe.

Listen without judging

Let them talk at their own pace. You don’t have to fix anything right away. Phrases like “I’m listening” or “Thank you for telling me” are worth more than any advice. Opening up about how you feel takes courage.

Speak from concern, not criticism

Instead of “You don’t do anything anymore,” try “You’ve seemed tired lately and I’m worried about how you’re doing.” Talking about what you’ve noticed, without labels or diagnoses, keeps them from getting defensive.

Be patient

They may not want to talk the first time. It often takes several conversations before someone decides to get help. Let them know you’ll be there when they’re ready.

What to avoid

• Minimizing their feelings: phrases like “It’s not a big deal” or “Just try harder” can make them feel misunderstood.
• Comparing: everyone experiences things differently.
• Pressuring or threatening: it can push them away and make them trust you less.
• Discussing their situation with others without permission: protecting their trust is key.

How to encourage them to get professional help

In many families, people believe problems should stay at home or that therapy is for “people who are really unwell.” That stigma leads many people to wait years before asking for help. You can help change that:

• Explain that therapy is a way of taking care of yourself, like going to the doctor.
• Offer to look for options together, for example a therapist who speaks their language.
• Help with the practical side: finding times, understanding costs or preparing for the first session.
• Respect their decision. Adults have the right to decide about their own treatment, even if you don’t always agree.

If your loved one is an adult who speaks Spanish, they can sign up with dafne and have virtual sessions with a therapist licensed in their state.

Supporting someone from far away

If you live far from your family, supporting a loved one can feel even harder. Stay in touch with frequent calls or messages, even short ones. Ask how they’re really doing, not just out of habit. And if they live in another country, help them find mental health resources where they are.

How to take care of yourself too

Supporting someone with mental health problems can be exhausting. To be able to support them, you also need to look after yourself:

• Set clear limits on what you can and can’t do.
• Find your own support network, such as friends, family or a support group.
• Give yourself permission to rest without guilt.
• Consider talking to a therapist yourself. Asking for help for yourself isn’t selfish: it helps you support them better.